I endured abuse as a child. I'm sure most people today have some scars from some sort of dysfunction in their early family life. My purpose here is not to tell horror stories, but I will tell you about how it has affected my life.
My father was and still is an alcoholic. I was never angry at him for it. Alternately I felt sorry for him. He is a good man who loved his children and tried to teach them values. His addiction and relative lack of social skills led him to be distant, unreliable, and angry. My mother who felt guilty for what we had to go through because of his alcoholism and their relationship was very emotionally distant. I was the oldest of 6 and felt responsible for everyone's happiness and well-being. I'm not looking for sympathy. I am actually grateful for my trials and the empathy and determination I have learned through them. I will say that I had some serious scars.
My lack of self-love and trust issues ruined my first marriage. Which in turn almost ruined me. I had sworn that I would never put my children through unhappy parents or a divorce. But I did not know how to do anything different! The raw truth is that we live what we learn until the pain becomes so intense that we either change or cave. I caved, and then changed.
Getting rid of the insecurities and fears of my ego will be a lifelong process. But I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears. And, in contrast to the average 2nd marriage stats, mine is going really well. I credit this to being willing to look at my own faults.
I have always looked for ways to overcome my severe insecurities and deep-seated beliefs of being less-than or unlovable. I could recognize them, but had no idea how to change them. I am a very religious person, so I turned to my teachings there first. But, have been open to any new teaching or method that aligned with my current beliefs and offered hope.
I won't go into each of them in detail, as I would have to write a book (maybe I will). I have found yoga, meditation, service to others, extreme exercise (marathons, 100-200 mile bike rides, tri-athlons) a business that helps me personally and financially, and loving 8 children unconditionally to be helpful in my journey of healing. I wish I would have learned long ago what I know now through my business that has taught me a lot about the Law of Attraction. Maybe I wasn't ready to accept these concepts until now. Its funny how life throws things your way when it does.
Healing really only takes a decision. It sounds too simple, I know. It's changing your beliefs so that you can make the decision to be happy that takes the time and effort (well for most). It's that we get some sort of "peanut prize" for not letting our offenders off the hook by being totally free of the harm they've done. Well, guess what? You are not hurting them by holding on. You didn't put them on the hook, and you can't let them off. You can however, let yourself off, and decide to be happy. Be grateful for the good things, and move forward.
Gratitude. Yes, we can all be grateful for something on any given day, and probably in any given hour. If you start feeling sorry for yourself again, think of the approximately 5 billion people in this world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
Believe me, I am not judging anyone who may be depressed, or has gone through difficult circumstances and is not happy. I have been there. I know that pain, and the work it sometimes takes to get through. I'm just hoping that my experience will help someone get to joy a little faster. It is how life was meant to be lived. "Men are that they might have joy.
My father was and still is an alcoholic. I was never angry at him for it. Alternately I felt sorry for him. He is a good man who loved his children and tried to teach them values. His addiction and relative lack of social skills led him to be distant, unreliable, and angry. My mother who felt guilty for what we had to go through because of his alcoholism and their relationship was very emotionally distant. I was the oldest of 6 and felt responsible for everyone's happiness and well-being. I'm not looking for sympathy. I am actually grateful for my trials and the empathy and determination I have learned through them. I will say that I had some serious scars.
My lack of self-love and trust issues ruined my first marriage. Which in turn almost ruined me. I had sworn that I would never put my children through unhappy parents or a divorce. But I did not know how to do anything different! The raw truth is that we live what we learn until the pain becomes so intense that we either change or cave. I caved, and then changed.
Getting rid of the insecurities and fears of my ego will be a lifelong process. But I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears. And, in contrast to the average 2nd marriage stats, mine is going really well. I credit this to being willing to look at my own faults.
I have always looked for ways to overcome my severe insecurities and deep-seated beliefs of being less-than or unlovable. I could recognize them, but had no idea how to change them. I am a very religious person, so I turned to my teachings there first. But, have been open to any new teaching or method that aligned with my current beliefs and offered hope.
I won't go into each of them in detail, as I would have to write a book (maybe I will). I have found yoga, meditation, service to others, extreme exercise (marathons, 100-200 mile bike rides, tri-athlons) a business that helps me personally and financially, and loving 8 children unconditionally to be helpful in my journey of healing. I wish I would have learned long ago what I know now through my business that has taught me a lot about the Law of Attraction. Maybe I wasn't ready to accept these concepts until now. Its funny how life throws things your way when it does.
Healing really only takes a decision. It sounds too simple, I know. It's changing your beliefs so that you can make the decision to be happy that takes the time and effort (well for most). It's that we get some sort of "peanut prize" for not letting our offenders off the hook by being totally free of the harm they've done. Well, guess what? You are not hurting them by holding on. You didn't put them on the hook, and you can't let them off. You can however, let yourself off, and decide to be happy. Be grateful for the good things, and move forward.
Gratitude. Yes, we can all be grateful for something on any given day, and probably in any given hour. If you start feeling sorry for yourself again, think of the approximately 5 billion people in this world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
Believe me, I am not judging anyone who may be depressed, or has gone through difficult circumstances and is not happy. I have been there. I know that pain, and the work it sometimes takes to get through. I'm just hoping that my experience will help someone get to joy a little faster. It is how life was meant to be lived. "Men are that they might have joy.
About the Author:
Check out this site to find out more about how Laurice is helping others find joy through her self improvement business.
